Dully Noted
by Blessed Unrest
Summary: Because as much as Master denied the troublesome brats, he needed a few chuckles now and then to make his soon-to-be retirement worthwhile.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of Fairy Tail's characters.

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><p>Despite its infamous reputation of housing the most rambunctious guild in Fiore, Magnolia was eerily quiet by daybreak. Most citizens would claim one primary reason for this: alcohol. Yet on an innocent Monday morning (even before the illustrious Mirajane could arrive for her first duties as barmaid), one could observe a small shadow flitting to and fro the guild while humming a merry chanty in anticipation for the exciting day to come.<p>

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><p>"'Speak in a confrontational manner'. What the…"<p>

Gray Fullbuster prided himself in being on the more intelligent side of Team Natsu (especially over that flame brain), but even this new development baffled him.

Cocking his head in confusion, he reread the words on the slip of paper crudely nailed to the guild doors. "That's strange. I'm usually the first at the guild before…" He rambled off a few incoherent lines, so engrossed in thought he failed to notice a few articles of clothing were already missing.

"Hey droopy eyes!" With surprising dexterity, the ice mage crouched and tripped the assailant mid-blow, hurling the dragon-slayer head-first into the canal.

"Uwahhh, that's surprising. He's usually the first to punch you first!" Gray slowly opened his eyes, skimming over a curvaceous figure and landing the mirthful expression of Lucy Heartfilia.

He sent a glare toward the girl's way, which slowly evaporated into exasperation. "Have some faith. Flame brain can hardly lift a fist against me."

"Suuurreeee." She cut her eyes towards the entrance and quirked an eyebrow. "What's this? 'Speak in a confrontational manner?'" Her face flickered from confusion to an ear-splitting grin that made Gray wince nervously in return. He knew that mischievous look and it never spelled out anything good. "Well," she huffed haughtily, "good thing I'm the most civilized out of our little group, unlike the two of very immature boys I know. Hmm?" Then with the grace of a former heiress she strutted into hall, snickering at her snide remark.

A vein bulged at his temple, "Why you—" _Smack. _

"Speak of the devil! The so-called flame brain is here" _Smack. Smack. _"And here we go again." Eager to start a new day, Lucy diverted from the mass of limbs and made a beeline towards the Fairy Tail bar counter. _I wonder who posted the note? Maybe I'll ask Mira…_

Little did she know the masked presence around the corner chuckle in amusement, "Those brats never change."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of Fairy Tail's characters.

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><p>By the end of the first day, everyone had seen the mysterious message posted on the doorway.<p>

Elfman arrived with Evergreen, refusing to look at each other. Elfman was the first to exclaim that it was unmanly not to reveal oneself while the latter, as per usual, withdrew her fan and smacked the man til rendered unconscious (Mira ignored the sad state of her younger brother and squealed that she was finally going to have white-haired, brown-eyed babies).

Wendy glided in with trembling lips and red-rimmed eyes, cradling Carla securely between her folded arms. According to the Exceed, Wendy burst into tears in fear of hurting her only family. The youngest dragon-slayer was assured when there was a general consensus that the healer wouldn't dare harm a fly in Fairy Tail (Gray made a sly comment that even if Wendy tried insulting flame brain, Natsu was too ignorant to take offense. Of course this started a whole new brawl concluding with Erza's adamant scolding.)

Cana, already in a drunken stupor, floored the guild with her sudden perverseness towards Lucy's…assets. By the time she staggered towards the bar, she had already dragged the poor celestial mage to the women's bath. Moments later, squeals ("Cana, stop squeezing my boobs! And I already told you it's not like that with Natsu!") echoed throughout the hall, and half the male population swerved their heads towards an already twitching mop of pink hair (as pummeled by the honorable reequip mage) with an aura that rivaled Mira's strongest takeover form.

An hour later, an exhausted blonde and a smirking brunette strode out of the sauna; Lucy had enough of the guild's shenanigans and decided to head home ("_A__lone_, she emphasized with her fiercest glare). She would later discover, while bordering on the last vestiges of thought, that she neglected to seek Mirajane's assistance.

And thus, the seemingly normal yet surprisingly strange weekday concluded with a bang.

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><p>As the sun climbed over the horizon, a hulking figure approached the mission board, another peculiar notice plastered among the requests. With a dismissive "Tch", the shadow receded; its massive coat fluttering in the morning breeze.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any of Fairy Tail or its characters.

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><p>Part of being a Fairy Tail mage was accepting the fact that "peace and quiet" were non-existent. So when Lucy crossed the wooden threshold, about to shout a jubilant salutation, she halted mid-stride to contemplate the odd circumstances before her.<p>

Erza was happily polishing off the last of Mira's strawberry cake, oddly undisturbed.

Levy, as per usual, was adorned with her fashionable Gale-Force glasses and ravishing another ancient script tome. Yet if one looked closer, Levy's lips threatened the curl upwards every few minutes, and adjacent to the script mage were her fawning teammates—bound with magic-cancelling ropes, gagged with filthy rags and sprawled on the floor. Slowly, Lucy's gaze drifted towards Levy's equally silent companion in horror; her suspicions were confirmed when she saw that sadistic smirk on his face while he calmly munched on some iron scraps.

Juvia was coddling her beloved into submission, yet her ever-present wails of "Gray-sama" were absent. Lucy frowned at his predicament; she almost pitied the man for his haggard constitution.

And lastly was her all-time companion and best friend, Natsu. _Who wasn't here_. _Where…?_ Gray clicked his tongue and pointed to the roof, as if sensing her confusion. _Ah, and that would be the work of Erza. _Just above the second floor lounge was a large humanoid-shaped hole, the remnants of its destruction crumbling onto the plush carpet. _Master is not going to be happy about that_.

Sidling up to the nearest bar stool, she waved at Mira and spoke in hushed tones. "What's wrong with everyone?"

"_SHHHHHH!"_ Mirajane held a dainty finger to her pursed lips. To answer Lucy's question, she pointed to the mission board.

Now she was even more worried. How was she to extract more information from the all-seeing barmaid when she couldn't even voice her concerns? Sighing in defeat, she dragged herself to said location and focused on the newest addition to the corked wall.

'_Don't talk'_.

_Another one? It's not like Fairy Tail to follow these random notes. They're treating it as if it were an order from Master himself. And even then, Master gave up a long time ago trying to stop our rowdiness_.

Lucy's eyes widened in realization. _As if…_ She swerved her head side to side. On the farthest end of the counter, Makarov sat with the most serene expression on his face. Eyes closed, feathery brows raised and mouth pressed into a fine line, occasionally nursing his beverage of choice.

With astounding accuracy, his azure orbs fell on the observer. Luckily, Lucy turned just in the nick of time, palpitating in fear of being discovered. Makarov was not declared the title of Wizard Saint without reason.

_Two can play at this game_. A menacing cackle rippled through the hall, startling even Gajeel from his slumber, and the busty blonde sprinted out the door, leaving a cloud of dust in her wake.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any of Fairy Tail or its characters

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><p>When Lucy first joined Fairy Tail, she didn't know what she was getting into.<p>

She didn't know Gray was a shameless exhibitionist.

She didn't know Natsu held the counter for starting the most brawls.

She didn't know Cana could drink over twenty barrels of the most potent brew; so far, she still remains sober.

She didn't know Erza was the guild's disciplinarian, a dictator scaring her subjects into submission.

She didn't know Mira's blinding smile was a façade, which only made her takeover forms that much more terrifying.

She didn't know cats (_"We're Exceeds!"_, exclaimed Carla.) could be blue, nevertheless have wings, until she met Natsu's childhood companion, Happy.

But after a mere nine months of stay, she could confidently say that she was thoroughly desensitized to all of it. _About time we changed all of that, hm?_

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><p>By the time Lucy managed to calm down from her psychotic break, she decided to consult the one person who was mischievous as children in their horrible twos. She didn't have to look far, especially when he was casually sprawled over her pink duvet with a bulging stomach as round as Plue's head.<p>

"_Natsu!_" Her foot instantly collided with his skull, sending him into the nearest wall and splintering the plaster into smithereens. She didn't bother scolding the lost cause of a friend about manners anymore.

The said man slowly emerged from the rubble, rolled his shoulders to pop a few sore joints and adorned his best smile. "Hey, Luce! What's up?" Her answering smirk caused his own grin to falter for a moment. "Oh no...I don't trust that look. What's wrong?"

With the sinister aura gone, Lucy cocked her head and innocently asked, "What look? And nothing's wrong, I just wanted to ask you something."

"Luce, the last time you decided to 'ask me something', you wanted to be a cat." He vowed then to never _ever _be within the premises of a drunk Lucy.

She paused for a moment then nodded in solemn agreement. "Point taken, but that's not what I'm here for. Have you noticed anything strange happening in the guild recently?"

"Like what?"

"Like strange notes that have been appearing at the entrance and on the mission board."

"The mission board…" He scratched his chin with a finger, a habit he formed when he was deep in thought**. **"Ah! I got into a fight with droopy eyes about it today!"

"That's nothing new. What happened next?"

"We decided to see who could be quiet the longest so...we held out for an hour or so until Juvia came over."

"And…?" She raised her eyebrows expectantly.

"She did the usual. You know, 'Gray-sama, would you like to go on a date with me?'" He clasped his hands together and wiggled his hips to mimic the water mage. Her deadpan expression was enough to stop his ridiculous dramatics.

"Natsu, don't do that again. Ever. What else? Usually Gray can ignore that much."

"Juvia mentioned something about him touching her butt during the whole battle with the dragons. And then Erza came and beat the shit out of him for 'tainting Juvia's innocence'." He sneered at the last part.

"I have no doubt you enjoyed that. So, if you didn't manage to annoy Erza, how did she end up sending you through the roof?"

"Funny you should say that…", he rubbed his neck with a weak chuckle, "because that wasn't Erza's fault."

Her brows scrunched together in uncertainty. "But she's the only one who punts you like a soccer ball! Remember that time in Ryusetzu Land?"

"Yea, not my best moment. Anyways, this time it was the old man."

"_EHHHHH?_" Natsu covered his sensitive ears in pain. "Ah, sorry. But he hates destroying the guild and he's only smooshed you with his titan fist, and…and…" She tried to count off the number of reasons why the Master wasn't a likely candidate, but she hesitated on a lingering thought. Her face suddenly morphed into something akin to complete seriousness and faced her best friend. "Wait, maybe he's like Mira and gets a sadistic kick out of it. I mean I know better than anyone that kicking anyone is a pretty good stress relief. "

Natsu could only guffaw in disbelief. "Naw, he's too old for that. He may be perverted but he's definitely not as scary as demon Mira."

"I don't even want to know what you meant by 'too old for that'. Anyways, I get the feeling Master may be behind the past few notes. So, as some well-deserved payback how about we play a prank?" If Lucy showed any malicious intent before, this was border-line illegal.

Now it was Natsu's turn to live up to his namesake, The Great Demon-Lord Dragoneel. "I like the way you think. I'm getting fired up!"


End file.
